Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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