Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
