Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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