she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
