Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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