but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
