Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
