Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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