Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
