she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
