I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
