the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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