Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
