He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize