And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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