Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Randomize
