cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
