I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
