Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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