hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
