I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize