Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
