I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
My life is pants optional.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize