Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
