ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
