Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
