# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
