also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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