my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
