remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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