I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
