I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
