Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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