wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize