he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
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