dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
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