Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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