just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
