Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
