and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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