what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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