Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
is wine microwaveable?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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