i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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