He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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