one two three fourrrrnication!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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