Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
