I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
