They should really pass out barf bags in church
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize