Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
