Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
