The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
