I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I queefed so loud it echoed.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
