There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
