he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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