Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
