Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
