You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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