His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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