YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
