if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize