when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
