and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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