1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
