TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
