Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
