I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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