They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
