I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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