I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
