Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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