time to smoke my breakfast
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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