Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
