I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize