I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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