her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Randomize