If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
