Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
