yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
