I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Oh god it's open bar.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
we should paint friendship bongs
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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