i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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