Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
