Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
