I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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