theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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