$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
