all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
