Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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