y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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