Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Semen is not good for contacts.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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