no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
this just has baby written all over it
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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