I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize