in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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