I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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