so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Actions speak louder than pants.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
