piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
