forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
