First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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