dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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