So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
