Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
