But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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