We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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