we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
