I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
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