Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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