like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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