i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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