whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
