We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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