drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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