So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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