We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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